As I was driving home tonight, I found myself coming towards a thought that, I have determined in the past, is better not to know. I can't tell you the thought because I told myself, successfully, not to know it; it is a thought that tends to leave me feeling a little sad, with a taste of life-is-futile/boring/repetitive in my mouth. I mean, technically, it's not a bad thought--but it's a very cold, loveless, practical one that could very well be true. I remember writing once, about it, that "Apparently there are some things one must remain unaware of in order to have any fun at all."

I find it odd that I remembered this sentiment about it before I actually remembered the thought, as though I set up a safeguard for myself, a reminder before I crossed that line. Well, I did, because there it was, it worked.

But then it occurred to me that if it's that kind of thought that leaves me feeling that way, I should let myself go ahead and think it every now and then, to remind myself that I have already struggled with it. Because it's bound to come around, and when it does, I don't want to have to encounter it as though it were the first time. That's always the hardest.

But by the time I had come to that conclusion, the thought was gone, and I couldn't make it come back. Shrug my shoulders; Okay.

---

So, I've been taking full advantage of having an old-school summer. I've been doing pretty much nothing besides beautfying/fixing up my house (in light of all the new space I have since C moved out), riding my bike, making preparations for attending Mills College in the fall, and playing videogames. It's pretty blissful.

But as a result, my 'office/study' is shaping up to be pretty kickass. I've got it set up as a space in which I can happily be on the computer; study; and do large, high-maintenance art projects. Technically, it's just a little room, but when I'm done with it, it's going to be a factory of inspiration. It will look great, and be completely and perfectly functional as a study and as a poker room. I mean, come on, gotta have a room in which I can play poker.

Oh, and it's Feng Shui'd to the max. I am a queeeeen of integrated Feng Shui. While not everything will be exactly perfect, when I'm done with my house it is going to be so damn auspicious that it will walk around at night, saving little kittens from drowning. While I sleep the untroubled sleep of the righteous.

Anyway, I got a wireless keyboard and mouse to attach to my laptop, so that I'm not always so damn hunched over when I'm at the computer. I cannot count the times I've caught myself with my face like three inches from the computer screen. Now my laptop serves as a monitor when it's at my desk, and it's a good, oh my god, three feet away, and while it takes some adjusting to, it's way better for my eyes and my posture. And it makes my desk feel fucking royal. This keyboard and mouse is heckof damn slick, now I can rock Minesweeper like the Expert that I am. Jeez, the things that please me.

Wait, why is that wrong? It's not wrong! Any way in which the world further comes to suit me should be damn pleasing! And it is! And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Thank you.

12:49 a.m. 2004-06-22�