I am so irritated right now. I just went to the executive board meeting for the ASLC (that's student gov't). The meeting went smoothly enough, and afterwards we needed to learn how to operate the sound system, because the guy who used to do it isn't available on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is when most of the events are. So we went down there, he took out the sound system, and started showing us how to do it.

A sound system is the sort of thing that looks complicated. lots of little knobs, colors, and abbreviations. But IT ISN'T. It's just like a beefed-up stereo. I've done things equally as complicated on my stereo system at home.

There were four of us down there to learn how to do this thing. Myself, Lisa, Yves, and Imani. Jason, the sound guy, said right off the bat, It's very simple, just keep your mind open and it will be easy. After about two minutes of explaining the CD player, which was a regular CD player with a couple other options, Imani tunes out and stops paying attention. She starts talking to Lisa, who consequently also stops paying attention. Imani just sort of fades out of presence and says she has to go to work, and leaves obviously leaving the learning to us. Lisa starts paying attention again. She claims, "I understand this stuff just about as much as I understand football," meaning next to nil.

Now, that is the dumbest thing anyone can ever do. Is to say, I can't, or, I'm not smart enough, or, I won't get it. That is probably the chief thing that people do that annoys me most. It just makes me want to roll my eyes and say, Shut UP, yes you can, quit handicapping yourself. Seriously, I'm not even saying this as an idealist, the only reason anyone can't do anything is because they don't think they can. If you automatically go, Oh, I'm not gonna get it, you WON'T get it. If you say, This is hard, it will BE hard. People just won't let themselves be their best, they won't trust their intuition that says they can.

So now that Lisa's decided that this is hard, she starts taking copious and detailed notes. To the point where she is not paying attention. She asks Jason the precise names of things instead of looking at them and seeing what they are. She had obviously decided that she couldn't do it, and I could just see her at the next event where she is supposed to be doing the sound system, going "Aaaa, I don't get this, I don't remember what to do, I can't, Delphi, Yves, help me, could you do this?"

Basically, Imani didn't even pretend she was going to learn how to do this. Lisa wasn't going to either, but she felt she should pretend because she's our president and leader. But honestly, I highly doubt she'd be capable with it, even though Jason was right, it IS fucking simple if you just pay attention.

People need to quit acting stupid. Because you're not stupid, okay? Jesus. The stupidity lies in thinking that you are. One may be ignorant, and not know things, but that doesn't mean you can't learn them if you try. Just because you don't know about something doesn't mean you can't.

But you know what annoyed me most? Is that it happens all the time. All I do is pay attention, and so I learn. Then later, the people who didn't listen go, Aaaa, I don't get it, I'm just not good at this stuff. Delphi, you're so smart, can you help us? Can you do this for us? You're so good at this. You're so smart.

And in the case where two people know different things and can help each other with their different talents, that's cool. That's what help is all about. That's teaching, and that's learning. But when two people are supposed to have learned that exact same thing, and you're both supposed to be pulling your weight so that one person doesn't have to do everything, it pisses me off when someone decides they can't do it and why don't I just do it because I'm so good at it. Goddamn it, I have enough things to do. I thought you would do your job so that I could do my job. Wasn't that the point of us all learning it? Yeah, help your fellow man and all, but, I help those who help themselves, okay?

It pisses me off because I'm so goddamned nice. I don't like seeing people fall flat, I want things to work for them, and so I help them. I'll help them and I'll help them and I'll help them. I hate being taken advantage of, and I hate being taken for granted. And I hate, hate, hate being used as a crutch, an excuse to not do your best. I don't want to be smart for you, okay? I try my best, and the other person doesn't try their best, and they expect me to take up the slack for them.

Ptah. Sorry. Just spitting out the bitterness. That shit tastes horrible.

4:25 p.m. 2003-09-03�