I still am not sure what I think about reincarnation. It's not an is-it-or-isn't-it question for me, it's how is it?

Because I'm pretty frickin' sure that it happens. (Email me if you want to ask why, because I don't feel like expounding right now.) Sometimes it's things like, when I think about my parents. Like, they are pages and pages worth of infinite good to me. When I came home tonight from doing laundry at their place, I was like, How? How could I be this lucky? I mean, like, if luck even exists, which I don't really believe. Even if it did exist, it could not even be that powerful. It's not even like they're rich or anything, it's just that they seem to have an infinite store of love in them, and they don't mind giving it to me and to each other and to my sister and to everyone else in their lives. Love isn't even the right word, because it's bound up in so many petty misconceptions. While at the same time they have their failings and are very human, I can see in them the embodiment of those Universal Parents, beings that will love you while you bitch at them and love you and scold you and make you clean up your messes and love you and love you and love you.

So back to reincarnation. One of the nicest things about having friends is how you develop this history with them. You remember how you met and what you first thought of each other, you remember the silly stuff and also the ways you supported each other. And that now with all those little things, you are left with this feeling... again, I'm having trouble finding words for it. But that's a great feeling, yes?

And I love orchestrating fun things to do with my friends. Duh. So what would be the most fun thing that me and my friends could do together? So okay, in the above paragraph I just delineated what I think is the best thing about friends. Just the process of them, the having them.

So what if we could do it many times, me and my friends? That would be cool if we could do it a bunch of times, a bunch of different ways. Have a hundred different stories of meeting. Once we've sampled all the together ups and downs in a lifetime, we wait for each other at the exit and try a different ride next. I mean, there's that feeling of having a friend for a long time who really knows you, I mean, imagine if that spanned lifetimes! How well they'd know you, how interesting that would be! That sounds like fun. That sounds like the kind of game I'd play.

And I find it very likely that that's the kind of game I'm playing.

12:03 a.m. 2003-07-14�