My original dessert tonight was:
thin slices of tomato on a toasted slice of sourdough, lightly drizzled with honey and sprinkled with cinnamon.

Really, really excellent. Now somebody's going to tell me, 'Oh, you know, there actually IS a dessert involving tomatoes and honey and cinnamon...' That's what happens. Odd circumstance brings me to a novel assemblage of food; I tell someone about my proud new creation; and they go, 'That's Weird! It was good?' (Enthusiastic affirmation from me) 'Huh. I wonder.' (Pause) 'Oh wait, you know, I HAVE heard of something like that...' I am now a legitimate eater in their eyes, and I view myself not so much as a pioneer as an intuitive learner. Nothin' wrong with that.

You know, now that I think of it, the above combo reminds me of some Moroccan main dishes involving tomato, honey, and cinnamon (and usually meat, but I don't eat that). Slightly more legitimate, slightly put out. But I retain the pride of my creation being spontaneous and simple. And it is so very important to retain pride. At least if you're a lion.

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Forrest Gump: has passed the test of time. Still a great movie.

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Let's clarify things: There are two boys at work. Wait--there are actually more than two, but there are two that I am talking about. One of them is Michael. This is all you need to know about him. And there is Cris, who has many positive aspects and who likes me. (I was about to blather on about his positive aspects, but then I was like, Jeez, how interesting is that?). I just wanted to establish the identities so we don't confuse the two. What with the unspecific back-and-forth in my previous entries. Because I'm going to talk about one of them now.

So what I was really aiming to say was, I sort of had revelations about Micheal today. A funny thing is that as much as he intrigues me, he also scares me. I like him, and I know I am not allowed to like him; and he has a personality towards which I do not know what to say. Consequently, we have not really talked and I am still kind of scared of him, even though I know he is a smart, nice, considerate, funny person who shares my sense of humor and has many interesting things to talk about.

What I realized today was: as weird as I feel around him, he feels equally awkward about me; in the same way. This actually makes me more comfortable. It also helps if I think to myself that I am also in a couple; it helps me to adjust better to that aspect of his inaccessibility. And perhaps it also helps me understand where he's coming from.

All I know is that we were, oddly, more comfortable with each other today. We weren't buddies or anything; just that we didn't conspicuously avoid each other, and we, well, spoke more than a few words. It was nice, okay? I don't necessarily want to have him, I just want to be able to talk with him. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Also, I like his girlfriend, PR. She's said a couple times that 'there aren't enough girls working at the store'. So I guess she's into that female companionship thing. That's cool. She often mentally reaches out to me in friendship. I see it happening. Like I said. I like her.

I am bored of this. I want my ambitions back. I want to freaking write again.

Microsoft Word doesn't work on my computer and I don't know what to do. I tried uninstalling and then reinstalling it; I know nothing's wrong with the files themselves. The reinstall doesn't work on the restart and when I try to open it it says winword has caused an error in WINWORD.EXE. Fuck winword.exe. I want it fixed now. It actually does stop me from writing.

I am... non-sensical.

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sigh. J used to tell his mom about the things I did. He used to show her the things I wrote.

12:28 a.m. 2004-02-24�