I have an amusingly frustrated crush on one of my co-workers. This is not the handsome cashier Sven, no; nor is it the rakish Cris who was hired at the same time; and neither is it the darling Andrew who likes to follow me around the store.

No, it is Mike who is consistently aloof and who refuses to feed my fire. Absolutely refuses. Won't have it. Doesn't need it, doesn't want it.

I want him more. He is a challenge if ever there was a challenge. I think it funny that I have gotten used to myself as a girl who can have any guy she wants--I mean LORD, I would NEVER have thunk it! But it's true. It's-true-it's-true.

But he dodges. I mean, Really, he dodges. And you know what? It's because he knows we're a match. He knows; and I wouldn't say he's scared, it's that he has his reasons for avoiding that. And he is in no way conflicted about it. If it's because of another girl, then that girl is far away; otherwise, it is not because of a girl, which I find most likely.

It's like, we find a connection, and he goes, Nope. And verily, it doth drive me up the wall.

I'm not like, "Grraah, I want him!" But in the beginning he piqued my interest because he was a different personality, and admittedly attractive; now he piques it even further because he won't play my little game.

And it's not JUST that he dodges my arrows so well; from the first: I saw him, I heard him speak, I wanted him. Not that I can't say that about a number of boys. But my desire for him retains a depth of quality that most do not attain. That is to say, he seems to retain a depth of quality that most do not.

Maybe I will have him and maybe I won't. But he inspires me on a certain level that few touch. I dare say he is one of the new humans.

12:04 a.m. 2004-01-31�