Woh, I haven't updated in a while. I don't know what's going on, people. Nothing's going on. Nothing really. Other people have been having drama around me (not with me). I don't know what I actually feel about anything. I only *kind of* have crushes on people, but there is nothing truly passionate in any of that; my projects are in a lull, and I am not feeling motivated except in small ways; my friendships are good, fine, growing, coming along, happy, but not extraordinary or unexpected.

Well, actually, wait. There was a moment earlier this evening. I came over to Christianna's house to study some (we do math together). We ate dinner, she did some stuff on the computer with her applications. Just putzing around. I had to go, and when she looked up from her homework to say goodbye, it was that look: 'I think you're wonderful and I love being with you and I'm so glad you could be here.'

That was nice. One look like that is enough to be a solid foundation for a friendship.

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I think I walked in on my roommate making out with a friend earlier tonight. 'I think', because I was distracted when I came in and had things to do. Mildly amusing.

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I am getting used to being around young, attractive, loving couples without being envious or wanting the boy. It is an awkward adjustment, but it is happening.

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The thing I find myself most regularly devoted to is personal research. Taking detailed notes on my reading such that I am actually learning from the things I read. This is fun.

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My intellectual pursuits are taking over--oooOOOoops. Oh shoot. I wasn't specific. I am not going to elaborate.

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Do we agree that if there were a god of poker, it would be Mercury? Or shoot, maybe it belongs to Gevurah, not Hod. Red hot poker? Neither Gevurah nor Hod! LOKI!!

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Sigh. I can't focus on Anything.

Oh, mm. I've been drinking more often with my friends lately, and I've been having dreams about Santa Cruz. It's that feeling again. Am I in need of another huge breakthrough that requires the collapse of my plans?

The voices say, "God, I hope not," and "I don't think so." Well, great.

12:45 a.m. 2004-02-17�