So the fundraiser for the Arts Club went well today. The food was a success, everything went well with that, it sold out, we made up all expenses and a nice profit. Everybody turned up to help, and things went as smoothly as I could have hoped.

The open mic was less than perfect, but it went all right, all things considered. It was the first time Lisa and I actually worked with the sound system, and though we were fumbly for a while at first, we got it working before Yves came to save us. We had one extraordinarily good, very enthusiastic poet who completely saved the show, seeing as how NONE of the others who signed up in advance showed up, not even the artsy hipster girl from the club. But this girl, she carried it, I mean really. She had a commanding stage presence, beautiful voice, intelligent, natural poetry, and a LOT of previous experience with open mics. Like, I would gladly have handed the show over to her. But I did an alright job of emceeing, I kept up the vibe, I had enough pizzazz to satisfy myself and the audience for the in-between times. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to prepare any of my own poetry to read. Next time. That's my motto for these open mics. Next time it will be better.

But everyone from the club, everyone seemed really into the whole event. The food, the mic, despite the less-than-perfection, it all went well. I got an email reply today from one of the members that just gave me an all-over case of the warm fuzzies:

had fun today, even for an old grouch. matt and i managed to grab a kabob each and some rice krispee treats. girlfriend, those things are good. it was the second time i had one. the first was a bite of a kellogs one and i spit it out. after i took a bite of yours, i took another one for home. ... thanks again for a very enjoyable afternoon.

That's from Annie. She's an older student, this cynical but wildly funny woman from Jersey who actually likes people but claims to be misanthropic. She's taking a few art classes, and she's discovering she has a talent. tangent: actually, she reminds me a lot of Ellie, one of my favorite friend's-girlfriends. she has an undeniable amount of sass to her nature, but she's also one of the nicest people you've ever met. they also bear a strong physical resemblance to each other. That was probably one of the most sincere and frank thanks for my efforts that I have ever received, and it touched me to the core. Like, see, what I do is never enough for me, but when it's enough for someone else, it really makes me glow. I can be pleased with myself, but I can never be happy with myself until someone else expresses as much to me.

AND that was not the first time that someone has sincerely said that I make excellent Rice Krispies Treats. I know, I know, there's little art to making them, but really, some are better than others, and really good ones are really good. And when I get those compliments, I know it's because I put love in the making. I just Know.

I made them just last night, and I invited friend Noah over to come make them with me, and he got a ride with friend Elizabeth. And we had this cool RKT-making marathon, where Elizabeth and I got acquainted with each other and we just had a dang good time. And honestly, without the two of them helping, it would have taken forever.

And here's a cool tip: add a 1/3 of a small bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips to the marshmallow mix when you microwave/stove it. (And if it looks like they didn't melt in the microwave, just mix it. They will.) The consistency is slightly more dense, but ohhhhhh, you have chocolate Rice Krispy Treats. Not C-R-K T's; C R-K-T's. The difference is huge.

But today was another day when I starved myself in lieu of Things I Had To Do. I had to be major domo for the event, and I forgot to set aside a plate of food before everything started, all the food sold out, and I had to go straight to a PreCalc test right afterwards anyway. And after the test, I sorta got sucked into a campus clean-up committee meeting, then a chat about the ASLC posting board... you see how it goes. So I didn't have time to eat, and the only thing left over from the fraiser were desserts--hey hey, my rice krispy treats. Some of the chocolate ones. So I grabbed one and started munching on it at the meeting, but stopped because I realized I'd make myself sick if I ate so many sweets on an empty stomach.

So I got home, paid attention to my babies (that would be my plants, suffering through the heat, and my snake, who I took out of her glass house and let her temperature regulate all over a frozen bag of bread), and started doing LAC contacts and updates. And my body, which by now REALLY needs food, is resigned to make do with whatever is on hand, which is... the rest of the rice krispy treat. Which I ate, ignoring my body's earlier (valid) protest.

So I kept delaying my persistent hunger to play with my interests until finally my mom called me saying, Oh, we're having dinner at your aunt's house come over and eat!!

And by dinner she meant a Filipino Family Dinner. Lotta family. Lotta Filipinos. And a whole lotta dinner.

Of course I was down to come. I was hungry. And I dealt with that hunger. And then that hunger dealt with me. By unleashing pain. The kind of pain that said, I was begging for this food six HOURS ago! And you gave me a RICE KRISPY TREAT! Do you know what that feels like? I'll show you what that feels like.

I was Not Comfortable for the rest of the time I was there. Though sadly, it wasn't entirely the fault of the food.

I... I don't... I don't really relate to my extended family. It's really weird, and I really wish I did. Like, basically the deal is, they're hecka Filipino. And I used to think that was lame (I know, I was lame). But now, I think it's really cool. But I'm heckof American. And the time I spent thinking they were lame for not being culturally American was time I didn't spend learning to speak Tagalog, to cook lumpia and pansit, to relate to them on the very basic level of culture. So now, when I go to big family gatherings (the only kind of Filipino family gathering), I glimpse how they are so interesting, and funny, and so easy-going, and so comfortable around each other, and I am so not.

I mean, it's not like that with ALL of them. There's like a middle generation between mine and my parents that also mostly grew up in America, and we get along great. We can have awesome conversations. But it's those people that hardcore come from the Philippines that I can't relate to, there's this gap between us, and I wish there wasn't. Like, they're just so present to each other, they're just so accepting of each other's flaws, ach, I wish I had that with them.

Ha, but you know what's ewwy-funny-weird? There's this older cousin on that side of the family, that my sister and I Hated when we were little. We just thought he had the cruelest sense of humor, that he was weird and creepy, AND he was the son of an uncle we did not regard very highly in terms of character. I mean, he's much older than us, he must be in his mid-late-thirties now. But again, the aunt I thought was cheesy and annoying is actually very kind and a great dancer, the uncle I thought was dumb and rude is actually really strong and entrepreneurial, and the cousin, um, well. Is actually really outgoing and unselfconscious and confident and Fit and stylish and adventurous and is a Really good dancer. The pale green eyes we thought were creepy are actually really amazing. He's pretty sexy. SO taboo. OH My God. For SO many reasons. NO, I didn't kiss him. Doesn't mean I didn't think about it.

10:22 p.m. 2003-09-18�