Okay, so it sucks that J is leaving for Norway. In a little while, yeah, but I like him enough that I don't want there to be a deadline on the relationship that's forming between us. It's kinda like... oh, I don't know what it's like, it's just TOO bad. It's something I have to accept, though. I was in mild denial about it, like, oh, it's okay, I'll be fine, since I know it's coming it won't be hard to let go, it'll be the best relationship ever because it'll be short, blahdeblahdeblahdah. But I realize now that, uh, yeah, it's gonna hurt to say goodbye to him. And it's not going to hurt him as much because he's going to the land of his dreams, the place he always wants to be. And I'm just going to have to send him off, say have a nice life up there, see you when I see you. I don't want to entertain delusions that we'll fall so much in love that he'll want to stay, or that there'll be a dramatic scene where he says, come with me and I say soon darling, soon. There are possibilities and then there are delusions. Like, hello, it's only been a couple weeks since we started hanging out with an eye for each other (though we've known of each other for the past couple years). But I do know that he is So Great, and I know that he thinks I am So Great. With nary a kiss between us, there is this knowledge that we are kind of in love with each other.

See, there's the awesome part. People are so inclined to fall in love with someone once they've kissed them, mistaking that physical attachment for true attraction. My friend once told me that in women, there is actually a chemical released in the brain when you have sex that causes emotional attachment. So I love it that we are so into each other without having kissed. Though it is obvious to any onlooker that we want to be close to each other and like touching each other. Ah, looking in his eyes feels like kissing, for real though.

Oop, just lost myself for that last ten minutes thinking about his face. This is beyond ridiculous. I hear angel choirs.

And you know, Alex and I were talking the other day about the way in which dating around is important. He was talking about some girl that he was sort of seeing, and I was like, are you into her? And he said, She's cool. For him, she was just another girl on the long list of girls. And I told him how I could tell the difference between him saying that she's interesting and him Being Interested. And he was like, yeah, "But it's good. That way, I know the difference."

And he's so right. That IS good. It is a good thing to have some empty relationships, some that just don't matter, so that when one comes around that does matter, you Know the difference.

I've had empty attraction, empty relationships, I Know the difference.

J totally wins.

2:08 p.m. 2003-09-28�