Oh my gosh and golly. I feel like a very different person than I have been for much of my life.

I mean, I really have my shit together. And I really have a ton of shit, and it's ALL together.

Like, I have an appointment calendar. And already I use it hecka. I have a million notes to myself. I have remembered everything I needed to, and I can accurately assess if I should logically go out.

I have narrowed my projects, like I said I wanted to. I have simplified where I needed to simplify. And as a result, my projects are flourishing.

My plants are flourishing. The babies have taken root, the onions resurrected themselves, the avocado sisters are both branching and leafy. The echeverias are looking especially pearly, and the crazy sun-plant from mom is especially pleasing. It's huge, and its coloration is subtly gradated from soft yellow to sunset to spring green, from base to tip of its many stems and leaves of planthood. The avocados and calamansi will be ready for new pots in a few weeks.
And the alocasia... the alocasia. Since I transplanted it at the behest of a poem, it rested, then exploded into glory. THREE new shoots have come up, all since I translpanted it, after a year and a half of only the two. The new leaves are coming in like, two a week, and they are huge, bigger than when I got them, and she looks like deep green velvet again. I don't know how to express my love for this alocasia, she is truly a queen. It pleases me to no end to see her doing so well.

Since I got back from my trip, I have been feeding myself properly, with balanced meals that I cook.

My roommate and I now have a chore system, which is simple, unburdensome, and clear.

I have set up appropriate patterns of association. I meditate the way I brush my teeth, morning and night, every day. Meditation is as important as going to class and doing my homework, I consider it equally intrinsic to my succes. Whenever I d-land, I practice at least one kung fu form at least once. Whenever I practice a kung fu form, I wash what dishes are in the sink. Every time I want to check my personal email, I check my Laney Arts Club email first. See how the necessities can operate independently, but the luxury prompts the enaction of necessities.

And I enjoy every second of it. I drive with my body in the seat. I take my shoes off on the grass.

And it all shows itself in the way I walk, I carry myself, I communicate. I radiate. I am positively glowing (and by that I don't just mean glowing well, I also mean glowing with positivity). What's going on? Who am I? I'm like, superhuman.

I sound bewildered, but yeah, I asked for it. Truly, I gave it to myself, but I'm still surprised. All I have to do to keep it is keep believing that I deserve it, that I can do it, that it's real enough, and it will stay, and keep coming. In a cyclic way, of course, there are times when I'll feel blessed and there are times when I'll feel cursed. It's just the same as everything else.

Basically, I just mean, it's good to be alive, it's really really good.

10:35 p.m. 2003-08-29�