So I realized that I had truly, by my standards, committed a big gaming no-no. I played Final Fantasy VII right up until almost the very end, and what happened? I gave in to the temptation to start playing SoulCalibur II without finishing FF7 first. Now, there are gamers out there who play a jillion games at a time. They've got like, their sports game, their combat game, their massive, and their regular RPG. With some Gameboy on the side.

Okay, wait. Maybe my point of view is skewed. I am a religious reader of Penny Arcade, and gaming is what these guys do for a living. It is ALL they do, besides remain human. So, okay. Maybe that's not the yardstick with which to measure.

But anyway, I got utterly addicted to SoulCalibur without ever finishing FF7. Bad Delphi, bad girl. I cannot say I have played that game without having beat Sephiroth. I would do the game a dishonor. I would hang my head in shame. Sephiroth is a milestone for any Final Fantasy fan; and I am a Final Fantasy fan.

Suffice it to say that I re-immersed myself in FF7 today; and my heart is glad.

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So I'm trying to learn some Greek before I go a-wand'ring. I bought myself some quick-learn paraphernalia, and I'm looking for a tutor in my area who will come around and speak with me in Greek over tea. I have limited time, but gosh darn if I'm not determined to learn something. Two years ago, I was in Greece with my sister for three weeks, and by the end of that I could read and pronounce the alphabet (but not necessarily understand it. I could translate street signs), as well as speak a few opening phrases. So if I prepare a little, maybe I can communicate a few things. Besides, Greek is a fun language. Reading those strange characters aloud is a novelty.

This trip is having a funny effect on my doings, in that I have this drive to finish everything before I go. That's natural enough, I suppose; I will be gone for a month, which is really a sizable chunk of time. But really, anything, any ongoing project I've got, I think, 'Oh, well I'll have to finish that before I go.' It feels like I'm wrapping up my business, tying up all my loose ends. It feels like I'm preparing to die.

I mean, I've done that before, and that's what it feels like. Getting back the books I've lent out, and giving back books that I've borrowed. Making sure everything's tidy, proper, and taken care of. Trying to make sure I don't owe anyone anything. It's an odd practice.

---

Also very odd is contemplating my student loan. It's a weird stepping stone. I've led a very priveleged life; my parents have always been able to pay for the best, and pay for it in full. Not because we're rich; but because that's what they always intended to do. But my Mills tuition is expensive, and we're taking out a loan to cover the cost. It's a relatively small one, but it's one that I am paying back myself. And now I have to see these gargantuan sums of money for what they are: a lot of fuckin money that is earned by work and that must be carefully managed.

Debt. I don't like it. I don't want it. I pay all my credit card bills in full and on time. And I've never dealt in many-thousand-dollar sums of money. Hundreds, yeah. Maybe one, even possibly two thousand. But by the time I graduate, I will have five digits to pay over a span of five to ten years. Jesus. I mean, I guess my parents are doing me a favor, wakin me up to the world of financial responsibility and all; it's still a shift my mind's gotta make.

Egh. Fuck debt.

1:34 a.m. 2004-07-13�