Before today I was going to explain how Dream 2 led me to the realization/conclusion that Alex's relationship to me summed up as 'brother-lover'--a (not totally) asexual relationship of complete love and companionship.

So last night I went over to Greg's house for poker--totally new poker crowd, really fun--and got really drunk and ended up making out with Alex all night on Greg's floor. Like Woah. We made out one other time like a year and a half ago, and never since, but I always remembered that it was really good. Last night was intense. It was pretty aggressive, on and on, and on. When I'm really kissing somebody, I tend to have grandiose, mythical thoughts. Have you read The Mists of Avalon? Great book. I recommend it. [spoiler] Anyways, as Alex and I were in heat, from the depths of my memory came the kingmaking scene between Arthur and Morgaine, when they are making love in the cave, not realizing they are brother and sister (having been separate for some time); they make love according to the ritual, but later they wake and do it again as a man and woman, at which point they realize who they are. And Arthur loves her as a sister, but forever feels that tie to her as the woman to whom he lost his virginity. Alex and I have never had physical sex, but I would say mentally, we have gone where none of his girlfriends have gone before. Arthur is tall, and blond, and aside from Morgaine, his type runs to tall blondes, that being Gwenhyfar; Morgaine never actually likes Gwenhyfar, but accepts her as Arthur's wife. Morgaine is small, dark, unconventionally pretty and still very attractive. I found myself thinking, So who's my Lancelet?, and, If I ever accidentally have a son by Alex, one of his names will be Mordred. Brother-lover indeed. [/spoiler]

I'm feeling generally bruised/sore, and I have hickies--oh god, hickies--to show for it. Man, hickies suck, no pun intended. At least it's cold and I have an excuse to wear a scarf.

I think I've been seriously needing an outlet for post-boyfriend lust, and this truly was probably the safest one; Alex has been sleeping with these girls T and H, so his excuse is that he was drunk.

It doesn't actually change anything about the dynamic of our relationship. We were both drunk, and it kinda happened before, so the protocol is to consider it a freebie and move on, spilling as few beans as possible.

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Before poker, my sister and I had dinner at our cousins' place. It was fun. My cousin said he'd invite me over for poker sometime, and we all vetoed my sister's choice of Gigli for Swingers, which I hadn't seen before. It's a really good movie! I don't know what I was expecting, but it was better than that. And I'm really glad I didn't have to watch Gigli. Honestly, my sister's taste in films...

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And I am cursed/blessed with a massive influx of good books/literary magazines to read. I'm still not done with the huge summer/fall issue of the Kenyon Review, McSweeney's 12 arrived in the mail, I bought a visually enticing Grand St. 72 from the bookstore, I have The DaVinci Code on loan from my dad, Infinity and the Mind on loan from S, The Mission of Art still unread, I'm starting my way through Kaos 14, and I still want to finish Godel, Escher, Bach. I need to put a moratorium on new reading material. I'm going to try the 'one book at a time' method and see how that does me.

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Oh, and the night after Dream 1--I should number my dreams differently or I'll get my references confused--I had a dream in which, after taking some drugs and sleeping them off (in the dream), I became lucid, at which point I promptly started making out with the girl and guy next to me. (Honestly, I would like to exploit my moments of lucidity better than that.) I started making out with the girl, ended up making out with the guy, and a song started in my head that continued as I woke up. "She's a straight woman, she likes straaaaaight movies, she's a straight woman..." Well. Thank you for defining my sexuality. I still like kissing girls. I like kissing in general. kisses are a far better fate than wisdom.

1:43 p.m. 2003-12-28�