My sloppiness with name abbreviation has come back to haunt me. A name search was performed that could only have been for one person and no other, and I came up NUMBER ONE, in an exactingly pinpointingly highly implicative way. The search blurb came up "the Searchee, who is best friends with so-and-so, who is my roommate..." I mean, I'm not super-close with the Searchee, and he might be the type to recognize that this is somewhat private, but still.

I mean, I guess if I really wanted to keep it secret and separate, I should have been more careful, but at the time I wasn't sure. When I wrote that entry, I hadn't yet gossipped about my friends nearly as much as I have now, and I think I had a secret desire to be found out. Now, I'm quite happy for this to exist as my shallow little haven, and I would really rather no one in my normal life ever find out about this unless I decide to tell them about it. Take it as a compliment that you are in my greatest confidence.

So now I shall do the good work of erasing the offending moniker, and I will pray that whoever found it was merely an acquaintance of his who wouldn't even think of passing it on to him. It's not so much that I'm afraid of having my friends know my private thoughts, its just that yes, I am afraid of having my friends know my private thoughts. And frankly, it's a matter of vanity--if someone I know finds this diary, I want it to be because they were searching for me, not because I was talking about them. And I've made it so that it would take a little bit of cleverness to find this diary with the intention of finding me. It wouldn't be that hard, just a little extra cleverness that would signify that they earned it. If someone pays that kind of attention to me, and understands me well enough to know what to look for, then they do earn my confidence.

But I'm taking out those names.

Afterword: I'm still turning up in search. Oh-freakin-well.

12:29 a.m. 2003-12-06�