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Okay. Bombs away.

I just found out that my friend R has been cutting herself. Her wrists. My friend has been cutting her wrists.

Apparently, she does it all the time. Because nobody wants her, nobody loves her. She doesn't mean her friends--we don't count. Nobody wants her.

Boys? She's doing this to herself over BOYS?!?! Jesus, of all the things... to want to kill yourself over, this should be last on the list.

I knew that she felt insecure about herself, but I never thought...that she'd be self-destructive to the brink of suicide. There was hardly anything in her disposition to hint at that. I'm not super-close to her. But we have a mutual friend that is as close to the both of us as anyone can be. It was this mutual friend that discovered her habit last night, and on pain of death I promised this friend that I do not know about it and no one I know will know anything about it. He just needed someone to talk to about it, he couldn't solve it alone. And he shouldn't, and he's not, she's my friend too.

I feel as though someone hit a gong in my head. I spent the last ten minutes chanting "R, we love you, R, love yourself." There are some little things I can do, I hope they help, I hope she is not as close to suicide as it seems, because we need time.

I am hope.

9:59 p.m. 2003-11-26�

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