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What is that feeling, of being jilted by people who were very nearly your friends? Is there a word for that?

I ran into Bonnie and Pete from my Anthro class last spring. It was a really fun class, and of the people in that class, I probably liked them the best. There were attempts to stay in touch with them over the summer, but it just didn't pan out.

I was posting flyers with Ren, another senator, when I saw them sharing a cigarette. I went up to them, said hey, and we had a really awkward exchange of pleasantries. I don't know, when I saw them, it was a mixture of Oh, I miss you guys, and Oh, I'm not in on this. It felt, when I walked up to them and spoke to them, as though they had seen me a second earlier and decided not to say anything. It felt like crap.

I mean, I really liked the two of them. It was like, Collusion! Treachery!! But what could I do, you know? They weren't glad to see me. They left quickly. I walked back to Ren, who had been clearing the board and posting the flyer, and I guess she had understood what took place because I heard her mutter, "bitches," and we didn't really say anything for a minute.

I don't know. I don't want to worry about it too much. But it's as though I lost friends that I never had.

1:21 p.m. 2003-11-26�

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