So today I was thinking about it... and J isn't the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Just for various reasons. Sure, I'm in love with him; and while in-love doesn't happen all the time, it doesn't only happen once (which I seem to think every time I have a boyfriend). And sure, I love him; under the right circumstances, I can love anybody, and that's not just an idealism. It's true. I mean love like point-blank appreciate their presence and know them as a piece of your heart. That's anybody, everybody in the whole dang world at some point. The question is, do I like him?

With any one person, in-love will come and go over the course of time. And you can love someone but not want them constantly in your life. So when I'm not in love with him, will I like him enough to live harmoniously? With things like kids and living together? As of now, I don't think so.

"Delphi, why are you thinking about this, right now, at all? Not only are you barely into your relationship, you're only twenty years old and you're far from getting married."

That doesn't mean I'm far from wanting someone to be intimate and close with for a long time. It doesn't mean that, when something wonderful happens to me, I don't think about how I'd like to share this moment with someone who will know me and be sharing these moments with me in another twenty years. Things aren't measured in time.

But I love J right now. To utterly contradict myself, these aren't questions right now. He's good for me, and I want to love him this way until it's no longer a good idea.

I'm contradicting myself a lot. But hey, fundamental contradictions in writing and logic and life consistently indicate a deeper harmony under the surface.

6:16 p.m. 2003-11-14�