But besides the guarded moments that come around every once in a while, things are actually going really well with me and J...

What I wrote, a few entries ago, about feeling ehh and awkward about the relationship? Just me. That night I meditated, and afterwards I was like, come on, it wouldn't hurt to bring it up. So I did next time I saw him, and it really wasn't an issue at all. So yeah. That was nice to hear.

Last night was the party at Lauren's house. Lotta interesting subtexts happening. First Let me give you the lowdown on the history with KP and Lauren:

Lauren was my friend Noah's roomate for a month over the summer; she's a pretty darncool girl and has become a fixture in our friendgroup. Over the summer, when she was brand new to us, she came with Noah to a party at Alex's house. Buncha people at that party, one of whom was my friend KP. I met KP through my high school friend Nat--they're cycling buddies from way back. So long story short, they hooked up at that party. I guess Lauren fell pretty hard... A week later they went out on a date where KP ended up lecturing her for like, an hour on how if she's looking for a real relationship, she shouldn't go just hooking up with guys at parties, and how she's looking in all the wrong places, etc. Lauren apparently ended up in tears, and I don't think they really talked since then.

I heard about the date from Noah, and I cringed when he wold me about what KP said to her. And he asked me, Why would he say that?
See, okay, the thing is, KP is a singular person. I have not met anyone else like him, and he's aware that he can cause weird reactions in people just by being himself. He... is a very odd combination of things. He's really physically attractive, an incredibly athletic guy. He's a very calm sort. He's hung around with jocks for most of his life, and that's seeped into his mannerisms and sense of humor, though I could imagine that in a big group of them, he would be the mellowest and most open. Also, for most of his life he's been a Sikh. If you know anything about Sikhs, then you know how that's impacted him; he grew up Sikh, and only recently went secular. Cut all his hair off and everything. (If you don't know anything about Sikhs, there's not much I can tell you; I only know about it from those I've been in contact with.) He meditates earnestly morning and night, no matter what (once he crashed at my house after a party and he set his alarm to wake him up at 7 so he could meditate, and then went back to sleep). He's one of those guys that seems to have great mastery of self, but doesn't quite know how to get along with people in an ordinary way.
So as to why he would say that to someone he hooked up with, I explained that he is really, really honest. And if there's something he thinks that someone needs to hear, he will say it without consideration of tact. The fact is, that tact is a sort of alien thing to KP. It's not like he puts his foot in his mouth all the time, but there are certain key junctures at which you are glaringly aware that he does not possess the art of subtlety. That would be one of those times.

He's one of those friends where, every once in a while you'll hang out a bunch and then you won't for a month or two. So he wanted to get together this weekend, and I already had plans in place, so I just went ahead and invited him to those. I thought a little before inviting him to Lauren's party, but it had been a while, it seemed like the both of them had moved on, so I was like, okay, whatever. They're both adults, we're all friends here, we can get along.

So yeah, I brought him to the party and things went swimmingly. What, were you expecting, some sort of dramatic fall-out? Nah. They caught up with each other and got along just great. Later that night, though, Lauren sort of whispered aside to me in a perplexed, sort of helpless tone, "Delphi, why is KP here?" And I thought to myself, Oh no, I hope I'm not in trouble, and I said, "Oh, it had been a while since we'd seen each other, and he wanted to hang out, so I went ahead and invited him," just sort of shrugging, like no big deal. And continuing in that helpless, perplexed tone, she goes "Delphi, I'm so attracted to him, I can't help it, I don't know what to do..." and looking at her, I could see that sort of longing twinge just where her heart is. Her feelings are genuine enough, I can tell that. I can tell when someone actually cares for and wants another person, and I can also tell when it's a matter of lust, and she really likes him. And KP, I can't tell how he feels on the matter. I couldn't read him on that. But I just told her, "Hold on to that." And she asked me what that meant, and to be truthful, I wasn't exactly sure, but I couldn't say He really likes you go for it, and I couldn't say He doesn't like you get over it, so I could only say, "Hold on to that."

And I have to go right now, but more and more and more later.

4:16 p.m. 2003-10-19�