I've finally resumed work on my closet painting--that is, the painting that I'm doing on my closet doors--after months of leaving it the way it is. Know what motivated me? Guess.

Anyway, the main aspect of it is a huge human heart in the center, cross-sectioned. It will lay across the split where the doors open outwards, with the bottom starting where the knobs are. I'm painting it to represent the universal heart, and in each chamber there will be different interconnected scenes. I painted a gradient sky on the doors at the beginning of the summer, and didn't get any farther than that.

So far, the sketches look great. I did an unfilled overview of the entire heart, and a detail sketch of the right auricle (1st of 4 chambers). There's a jungle in that one. I pleased myself by applying a technique I saw that comics pencillers use--X-ing spots in the landscape or on the character where the light hits. Because the sun is rising over a mountain in the right auricle, and I want to make sure the light has quite a presence in that chamber. X-ing makes the visualization so much easier. The scene is pretty meticulous--I'm going to have to use my smallest brushes.

I balk just a little at the fact that I'm approaching this project without any formal training in painting. A little, but not much. In artistic endeavors, I don't put much stock in formal training. Not that it doesn't help--I admit that it sometimes makes the learning process faster--but I do believe you don't need it to produce something fantastic. As long as you're willing to flex your imagination and your powers of visualization, draw from your own sources and experiment with techniques before you commit it to the final canvas, you're as good as you want to be. It's going to take me some extra time, but the finished product is going to be spectacular, and I'm going all the way on this.

OH my gosh I just realized that I didn't write about Saturday--it was a great day spent mostly with J--and it's a little past timely now. Damn.

It's really funny, though--funny roll-my-eyes-smile-and-sigh kind of funny. Last time I saw J was Monday night--uh, last night--playing poker at Yaniv's house. We didn't plan it that way, but it was a good time.

[Aside: sucky A's game that day. Actually, it was a really good, exciting game, but sucky that they lost. It was So Close! They lost it bottom of the ninth, runners on third and second, 2 outs, 2 balls 2 strikes, and Terence Long just watched that pitch sail right into the catcher's glove. If I was a hardcore A's fan, that would have broken my heart.
Good thing I'm not--one broken baseball heart is enough in this relationship. J is a Giants fan through and through, and their loss on Saturday just killed him. It was really cute. He'd tickle me to death for saying that.]

Moving along, I was dying all day today to call him, just to talk, but I was like, No, give it a rest Lisa, you don't need to call him today, One day without talking to him wouldn't kill you. Like it had been sooooo long since I last saw him or something. Jesus. It was good, though, fanned my flames of desire and whatnot, realizing all the ways in which I like having him in my life.

But it was delicious torture, I'm telling you. Denying myself that one thing, and then being petulantly annoyed that he hadn't called yet. Of course, I was (still am) laughing at myself all the while. One Whole Day! How could she stand it!

Is it like this with every new relationship? Yes, it is indeed. Well, with the ones that I care about. But yeah.

Besides, I tell myself, there's a deadline on this one. Not too soon, but soon enough to be aware of. I could make it a long time with him, and the time we have is not long. So I'd like to have as much goodness as I can. Of course, it's quality, not quantity. My metaphor for this is hunger. If I know dinner is coming, but I'm feeling rumbles, am I going to have a snack? The rumbles will hush, but dinner won't taste as good. And let's say this is a really good, full dinner coming up. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I kinda compromised on this one. I emailed him with a couple of poems he said he wanted to read.

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Well, California couldn't be a democratic wonderland forever, I guess. But I expected better of our citizenry.
As of the current tally, the recall is passing by about 4%, and Shwarzenegger is in the lead by--you gotta be kidding me--FIFTEEN PERCENT!
I mean, okay, okay, all the precincts aren't in. It's not OVER. There is still a chance that the recall won't happen. I am currently exercising my most powerful powers of wishful thinking.
But that Schw is SO FAR in the lead! !!! Words can't even begin to touch my current opinion on this.
I can say this much, though: California has elected an actor as a Republican governor before. It's not the hugest shock in the world. I am just So Displeased. It is not even worth the comedy.

Apparently, Darryl Issa (sp?), the man who started this whole recall business, was crying on the news a couple nights ago. Crying. Sigh. Bastard.

Alex keeps threatening to move to another country. "I'm seriously thinking about it." I know, Alex. I know.

Although, I would be GREATLY mollified if Howard Dean or Wesley Clark became our next president. Greatly. Schw could kiss my ass then. But that's a long ways away. And if it went the other way, oh man, if that happened--again, Royally Pissed would not even come close. I would seriously consider endangering my connections by moving at least to Oregon, if not Australia or NZ.

I don't blame J for hauling out--seems like he's got his head in the game. Norway sounds like an excellent place to be.

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I hate to end the entry on such a sour note. So instead I will disturb you deeply. With the moon song. It is so long. Listen to all of it, more than once, and then you will be crazy in the head like me. Fun for all!

1:46 a.m. 2003-10-08�