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Umm, ahem: So, fervor? Not a problem.

Yesterday was experientially rich, moist, and delicious! A fluffy, excellently iced homemade cake of a day.

At school there was club rush, so the Laney Arts Club was well represented. There were a good handful of us sitting at the table, chatting, and though we weren't, well, rushed, we did have a good time of it and got some new sign-ups. Class went smoothly, I understood it despite the fact that I missed the previous one. I have class with Yves, the VP, and it's great talking with him during break, he's a fun guy to be around.

Had an excellent, noteworthy half-awake nap, one of those where you're still awake enough to where you can think barely-coherent awake thoughts, but asleep enough to not pay attention to those thoughts and actually glean some rest. The kind of nap that helps you work through things. I didn't have much to work through, but I woke up feeling somehow more emotionally stable.

Had a private kung fu lesson because none of the other students showed up. It really was so much fun. Learned new things, got better at the things I already knew.

My teacher and I--let's call him Sifu, because I can't actually remember his name--have this cool and interesting relationship. I've mentioned before, he's Really Attractive. So there's this underlying, wow, you're hot thing in my mind every time he teaches. You know, hot also because he's so amazingly good at what he teaches. And I'm a good student, I learn quickly and I improve quickly. And there's that thing, where a teacher has a good student of the opposite sex who's also quite pretty, there's that. And sometimes, inevitably, that makes things awkward. Like, if he demostrates a throw/pin by doing it to me, I might get a little distracted by the fact that he's got his hands all over me, so to speak. And he, as a teacher and expert, is very attuned to the focus of those around him. But as time's gone by, I get more comfortable with the fact that he's so Attractive, and so it distracts me less. Things are really light-hearted and good natured between us, but he also is definitely out to teach me and I am definitely out to learn. We seem to have sublimated this little teacher-student crush into a nice camaraderie, and so class today, just us, was really fun.

And then there was Swing Dancing. And it was good.

[Avertissement: The following three paragraphs get into some detail of swing dancing. If you've done it some, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you know nothing about swing dancing, consider the following a metaphor.]

So good. Four of us went out, J and I, Katharine and Alex. I got to know a lot about my style. So, J and I dance rrreally well together, right? I was sitting out at a table with Alex after he'd had a dance with J, and he was like, "Yeah, most people have agreed that J is kind of a fishy leader," meaning that his grip kinda wobbles and is not always rock-steady. But now, his grip is actually fishy in a certain way, which means it's not fishy at all. It wobbles, but it wobbles in a way that feels the music, and he knows when he doesn't actually need to put pressure on his partner's hand. Like, his grip IS strong when he's pulling you in or leading you into a spin. And what I Really like about his style is that he can lead you without actually holding your hand. He can do it with his wrists, his arms, the back of his hands, his hips. (Oh, the boy has hips.) And he really gives you room for your style, room in the beat to move.

That's key for me. Because I have to have room for my style, and when I get into the music I don't want to be pinned by a leader that insists on being technical. When your fun relies on having to know the moves, I'm less into that. Like, I've never had a formal class in swing, for me it's been friend-to-friend instruction and just getting used to the step in the beat. I have an innate sense for the beat, so there's no problem with that, and when you're friends with the beat, the step and the swing follows naturally enough.

So with me, I like a leader that has good rhythm (well, yeah); gets creative with his moves; has a gentle but present hold; who gets really into the music and will let me do my thing. The other thing that's also really important, and that some leaders have more than others, is sensitivity. This is what makes it fun, this is what makes it two people dancing together. The whole concept of leader and follower is actually null if the leader has a sensitive hand (and if both people have a really good feel for the beat). Because actually, the follower can communicate a lot about what she wants to do in her body language and her grip. Like, frankly, the 'leader' could spend the whole dance just taking her cues. Spin, relax, dance close, speed up, the follower can be in command of all those things. Basically, the only job I leave entirely up to the leader is making sure we don't bump into other people. Sometimes, sexes aside, watching two people dance, you couldn't tell who's calling the shots. And so it's most, most fun when both dancers are really sensitive to each other, there is so much communication and you are so ON it! YEAH!

And wow, you guys... wow, talk about fairy tales. For the last dance, they played a really beautiful waltz, I mean a gorgeous song. And I was thinking, Oh, it's so pretty, but I don't know how to dance it and so I'll sit out. But this guy who I'd danced with a couple times that night, Sam, took me up for it, and though I didn't know how to waltz, he taught me just by leading me through it, and it was so easy and graceful and the swing floor was just transformed into a waltzing ballroom.

And after the dance, I went back to J who commented on what a wonderful song that was. It was still in both our heads. I told him how I had just learned waltz, and he said he hadn't done it in a while. We did a fumbling bit of waltz stepping, but then we just started moving, dancing out onto the floor, just as graceful but more natural. And darlings, the music was over, but it was so much in our heads and we were so much with each other that we were dancing beautifully, casually; so obvious we didn't want to stop. There were times when I actually closed my eyes as we danced. And you know what? We fell into a perfect waltz step.

We had an extra song, last dance, just us, no music necessary. We walked back to the tables and our friends were just watching us with smiles, like oh gosh and wow.

We grabbed a bite to eat at Nation's, and then I drove them all home. Katharine and Alex sat in the back. After I dropped Katharine off, Alex said, "Goddammit. And I was doing so well on not caring about girls."

This caused me to laugh and be happy because:
Alex is the sort of guy that gets easily hurt by girls. He maintains relationships with his two main ex-girlfriends in which they are horrible to him, and this makes him very sensitive. He's been on this trip recently where he just wants to avoid getting hurt. But he's not about to give up girls. He loves girls. One might call him a 'skirt-chaser'. But so he'll go on dates, maybe kiss a girl, but there would be absolutely no emotion in it. And he'd say, "Sure it's nothing spectacular, but at least I'm not going to get hurt." He and I were in parallel situations this summer, only our motivations were different.
And after all that, I can tell when he actually cares about a girl. And the way he said it, he's into her. He told us they were holding hands in the back seat as we drove. J was congratulating him, and he was trying to maintain his cool, but I could tell he was kind of squirrelly inside. He likes her.
And I like her. She and I met on the first day of our PreCalculus class, and just hit it off. She's really considerate and friendly, she has a good sense of humor, she calls back, and she's into trying new things. And as a girl buddy, she's really easy to talk to. I really like her. And it makes me even happier that these two good people, good friends of mine who deserve each other, are holding hands as I drive.

I dropped J off last at his parents' house, came in for the bathroom and some water, and received some of the warmest, sweetest kisses I have ever known. The fervor issue is out the window.

Suffice it to say, I slept really well.

2:04 p.m. 2003-10-03�

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