So some sprinkles of mediocrity have been added to this gigantic cakelike crush I have on J.

Meaning that, predictably, he is showing himself to be less than absolutely perfect for me. I mean, you know, what did I expect, right? But there is more that I need to work with.

Firstly and foremostly, the thing that may affect more things than anything else: J is Christian Scientist. Meaning that he practices the religion of Christian Science, not that he is a scientist that is Christian. Now, I don't know all that much about it, but there are some things I know: CStists don't believe in going to the doctor, believe in prayer as the main healing force, don't ingest any drugs or alcohol, are big believers in the bible. That's what I know. Now, I'm sure there's a lot more to it, and I'm curious about it. I know it's a big part of his life, and it hugely affects how he lives, in ways good and bad. He's not a converter--he only discusses it when it's brought up, and I never did, I came in partway through a conversation with someone else who brought it up. But from the way he spoke about it, the things he said, he really does put a lot of stock in CS. He also understands that it is quite far off from mainstream beliefs in our culture, and so doesn't usually bring it up--he understands what it feels like to be under attack for his beliefs, and so scrupulously avoids doing that to anyone else. He has a degree in philosophy, so I'm sure he's not the type to shy away from ontological arguments. Experientially, it seems CS has worked for him, quite well.

It's not a deal-breaker for me. Though I'm not religious now, I grew up with it, and my parents are religious, so I don't have huge issues with religion in general; it does as much good and bad for you as anything else. And there are some things he believes, because of his religion, that happen to be in line with things I believe. He's a very moral, considerate, good-hearted person. Though Alex drew a distinction for me over the phone: Spiritual people hold their high moral standards to themselves, while Religious people hold their high moral standards to everyone. And he said that while J is never morally imposing, inwardly he can be quite critical. Though who among us aren't inwardly critical at times of other people?

Aside: Frozen grapes are one of the greatest things on this man-made earth.

J and I hung out just us for the first time last night. I suppose it could be considered a date. Well, yeah, it was a date. He called it on, I called the shots. I took him on what I thought would be a short walk, but since I couldn't find the destination, we wandered for Hours. Three, to be precise. Or maybe a bit more than two, since we also had dinner. We talked about this and that, finding out more about each other, keeping ourselves high off each other. There was a cute moment where I touched his arm, and as my hand was on its way down, it brushed his, and I, not sure how he felt on it, moved to take my hand back, and he moved to hold mine, and when I noticed, I moved back to hold his. Awww. He's really great at holding hands, a good communicator. I have to say, holding hands with him as we walked was awesome fun. There's this gesture of his that I really like, of putting his hand on the back of my neck... um. Stop that.

His goodnight kiss was kind of wimpy, though. I was a bit disappointed in it. Though it had sweetness, it lacked fervor. I'm a big fan of fervor. There was less fervor than I'd expect from a boy who's so into me on paper.

Alex was saying though, that because of the Christian Science thing, he has issues about physical involvement that would mitigate the goodnight kiss. And that he's had little experience with that as such, and may need some coaching.

1. Shouldn't the fervor be enough to mitigate the Christian Science enough for an awesome goodnight kiss?

2. I'm not used to coaching. That's an awkward position for me. But I guess...

Please, feel free to give me some insight on this. Truly, I have no idea where I stand. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

3:09 p.m. 2003-09-30�