Whiskey is still burning in my stomach, and I'm writing in this miserable diary because there's nobody I can lay awake with.

Miserable diary! How can I say that, when it's so frickin' FUN, and there for me?

Hoo hoo, I'm feeling frank tonight.

So, er, I just saw Lost in Translation, and it was very very good. It was so in me. There are movies that are good, and there are movies that are better because they truly come from some place inside you. And I've seen movies before that are straight from my dreams, but not anything that is straight from my life. And Lost in Translation is. Straight from my Life.

When I travel, when I go someplace other, I am bound to find somebody 'random'. I seek out companionship after I've been alone for long enough, and it's always there. I will meet somebody, and we will spend an insomniac or strange or wonderful time together, and we will bond on a very fundamental level, and then we will have to say goodbye. Despite the ways in which we try to hold on to each other, exchanging emails or something like that, we will have to say goodbye.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Poignant is a word I like a lot. But that movie just launched me into a huge introspective space that's been waiting to have me. (Ugh, I'm sorry if I make no sense. Like I said, whiskey burning.)

I am thinking of all the people I have fallen in love with when I have had to cut it short. Kids, I use the term 'falling in love' very loosely, very loosely. This just means having-a-crush-on-and-becoming-attached-to-them. Some people wouldn't say that's falling in love. I don't give a shit.

Did the two characters in the film fall in love? Then I have fallen in love countless times.

I just wrote a rather drunken email to one of those people. Jon from New Zealand, we met in Monterey, CA on a night when I just decided to keep driving instead of going home. Very chancey, but we were both wonderful with each other on a beautiful grey seaside morning, and that memory is one of my favorites.

So there is every strange boy in my world and I am thinking of them tonight, the ones I've had and the ones I want. And I want them all, all of them beautiful, but if I had just one, to lay with, maybe then I could have gone to sleep an hour ago, and I wouldn't have had any whiskey tonight.

I'm so greedy. Don't I have enough just being alive?

1:35 a.m. 2003-09-22�