Dude, what the fuck. I have no game. I'm in third grade again. AaronB was over all day today, and not a single move could I make. It was the first time we've spent together, just us. He came over, and had some of the lunch I cooked. We conversed. We walked to the 99-cent store and then to the park. We conversed. We came back to my house, watched a DVD of commercials attacking Bush, and then played delicious hours of SoulCalibur. A thousand opportunities, and not a single one could I take.

I just, I had this dumb hesitancy every time an opportunity came along, despite ALL the major things being right. And when I mean 'a move', I just mean holding his hand. THAT would have been a move.

We're lying on the grass talking and making daisy chains. Nope. We're sitting, hands available, watching something relatively boring. Nothing. We're walking side by side. We're right up against each other in heated battle. What. The FUCK!

Look, adolescent whining does not become me. And neither does adolescent insecurity! In those moments of hesitation, I never did think to myself, 'Do you want to leave for Philadelphia without having somehow conveyed that you're for him?' I never did ask that because if I HAD, I would have done something despite the fear. RRrrRRrrRRRRR.

Sad face. I'm tempted to do something funny and drastic, like go over to his house tomorrow and kiss him.

But every time I've enacted drastic measures, it's never been right. It was forced.

So, now Nicole's an option for him. Maybe he's just stringing me along like I did with him, when Cris and Robin were supposedly options. Fair enough, I guess. Maybe I'll lose. Because I'll be gone for ten days, which is a long time in the realm of competitive courtship. Sad face.

Hey guess what! He really likes SoulCalibur!

8:45 p.m. 2004-07-29�