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So, I've wanted to live with a cat for some time, and I was recently this-close to adopting one; good sense got the best of me, though, and I decided I'd wait to adopt till my summer vacation was over (since I'd be gone for a whole month).

I've been giving it a lot of thought. I LOVE my future cat and I want it to come live with me so badly. Lately it's been a question of whether or not I can let it outdoors.

My initial desire is to have an indoor-outdoor cat. Cats are creatures that instinctually desire a large territory to wander and patrol, as well as a home base to eat and sleep. Also, I am but one person; letting my cat go out would ensure that it does not go crazy with boredom and tear stuff up when I am gone. IMO, a cat has a hard time having an identity if it doesn't have a territory. I want my cat to be independent; we will both have our own outside lives, and come to each other as partners and companions. My cat should have a universe of which I am not a part, because that's how cats are.

However, my apartment is very much not suited to having an indoor-outdoor cat. There's no place for a pet door; I'd have to rig one up for the window, and then rig a shelf/table on either side so my cat could get through it. That in itself is not that big a deal. It could be either costly or labor-intensive, but not too much so on either part. I am purposely keeping enough money stashed away to take care of such things. But I was recently made aware that it is a common problem for other creatures that aren't your pet to come through pet doors, eg skunks, other cats. While that is also technically not that bid a deal, for me the prospect of getting a skunk in the house is horrific. I like to keep a nice house. So I thought, well, I could get one of those electronic doors (the cat wears a little signal on its collar and the door only lets that creature in and out). So that's another expense/inconvenience.

My dad (who doesn't really like cats) and my aunt (who's not very pet-oriented) have both said, "Ah, keep your cat indoors, it'll be easier." Other pet owners who lovelovelove their cats say, "Keep your cat indoors, outdoors is terribly unsafe." And it's true: if my cat stayed indoors, it would be much easier for me to keep a cat. I've read the pros and cons, and a cat can get very hurt, and catch a number of ailments (did you know cats can get HIV, aka FIV?) that would be super expensive to take care of. And when I take in a cat, that cat will be with me for the rest of its life. There will be no getting rid of it because I can't afford it; my cat is not a toy. Affordable pet insurance exists, but that doesn't mean that ailments and injuries won't be taxing on me and my cat.

But I have to say, the very thought of keeping my cat indoors fills me with unhappiness. I couldn't rationalize it the way I do with my snake. Snakes prefer small spaces, spending nearly all of their time in little cubbies under rocks, emerging only to hunt, which is really just an inconvenient necessity for them. Valentine is okay living in her glass house. But even so, I've had a number of uncomfortable dreams about keeping her captive. It's true, there's no way she could live with me and not be in a cage, but I still don't feel all that great when she's gently bumping her nose against the glass, wondering what's stopping her from moving out.

Nothing about the personality of the cat as a creature says it is okay to keep it indoors. Nothing at all. Frankly, I would have frequent nightmares awash with guilt. I couldn't leave the house without thinking about it, without apologizing over and over and re-rationalizing my decision to keep it indoors.

And you can't have an indoor cat and then let it be an outdoor cat later. Cats need to learn how to deal with an outdoor environment. Indoor cats don't know how to get out of the way of cars in the street; they get lost because they don't know their territory; they don't know how to interact with other people's pets and wild/feral animals. An indoor-outdoor cat must be such from the get-go.

Indoor cats have the tendency to grow lazy and obese (unless you have more than one, but I can't afford more than one at this point). A cat that goes outdoors rarely has those problems.

There are those owners that keep their cats inside for reasons of safety. Now, the fact is, I am absolutely NOT the type of person to compromise freedom for safety. Cats want to go out, so they have already made that choice. For my part, I will be prepared. Yes, I will be sad and upset if my cat gets hurt, but I will be prepared for such a thing; I will have care supplies, or, if I can't take care of the problem myself, I will be financially ready to take them to the vet or pet hospital. None of that dreck as to how they don't know any better. IMO, evolution is a long-term decision about who you want to be.

Those same owners say, if it's been indoors all its life, it doesn't know what it's missing. To me, that point of view is reprehensible. "It doesn't know what it's missing", christ! It's all right that we keep it restricted to a lesser life since it doesn't know it could live a better one? I have serious problems with that point of view, whether it applies to cats or humans.

Sigh. Basically, I can't have an indoor cat, I just couldn't do it. I have to evaluate whether I am ready, in every way, to have a cat that can come and go as it pleases. If not, then I can't have a cat at all and I'll just have to wait. I don't want to wait, but I might have to. I can't compromise the life of my companion for the sake of my convenience and impatience.

12:57 p.m. 2004-06-25�

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