In the hour before my big final, semi-despondent about the outcome: I have the concrete feeling that I'm in grade school, except that I'm in grade school and I've got a boyfriend, and at least I'll see him after the test. That was never true then, and it isn't true now, so why do I have that definite feeling?

Oh--maybe it's because I'm going to that lecture in LA right after, and it's about that kind of knowledge and organization that I court and that courts me and that makes me wildly excited and that I go to great lengths to see. I guess that's kind of a boyfriend. It's a romance. Whoop de doo. "Mom, I'd like to introduce you to my latest flame, Integrated Art and Science. Well, we've always liked each other, but now we've got long-term plans. I know he might seem kind of hippie, and it's true that he doesn't make very much money, but he dresses well, he's soooooo smart, and he's really well connected. He's actually very influential, the kind of idea that can change the world." (Mom is charmed and dubiously impressed and is waiting to see what kind of house it will buy me.)

11:04 a.m. 2004-05-27�