You know, I can converse for hours with but a few words passing my lips. It's as though we're both of us communicating, but only one of us is in charge of saying words. And there are people who love that, who love being in charge of the words, while I am just as happy letting them talk, and it makes chemistry, man.

I am actively receptive, and I passively project. I incite mutual ideas in people by looking at them the right way. As they talk, they can see what I think about that, and the next thing they say addresses my thoughts. That is, if the talker is perceptive and understanding. The type that can follow a train of thought that isn't their own.

Mmh. That was tonight's conversation, with, oh, let's call him Sean. He lives in Christianna's house with his girlfriend Jhen. He is a smart talker with a strong, positive magic. He has a wonderful magic, the world needs more people like him. (That way, I could have one of them.) I stopped over at Christianna's house after bellydancing, and he was doing something in the kitchen. The three of us started talking and just kept doing it. He and I were vibing some.

Girlfriend Jhen comes home, and she did what I've always been hoping to see. She caught the vibe between me and Sean; greeted him in a way that marked them as a couple; and then stopped being possessive. My opinion of her has risen dramatically. I mean, she is just In Love with him, she digs his vibe so intensely, he makes her super happy; and she just needn't be jealous to enjoy it. She understood that I liked her boyfriend; and she gave me the look--"See, you understand how cool he is! Don't you just love him?"

It restores my faith in how good a long-term relationship can be. You can be together for a long time and still be smitten. You can be completely in love and not be jealous. I really like Jhen. And I really like Sean.

So we had great conversation, and Sean did most of the talking. And I came home feeling like we had been making out for h o u r s.

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I'm starting to really like Calculus. If you can imagine, it's the point in math language where you get to start talking about philosophy, metaphor, and deeper meaning. Limits and higher-order derivatives. Up till now, I've only been able to use math language for statements on the order of, 'Pass the salt,' and now, I can discuss things like the infinite pathways towards a common meaning, and the ways that simple and complex react to create something multi-layered and beautiful.

It's like, all these years, we were given basic building blocks and shown how use them to create something complex. Now we are shown how to take something complex and derive from it something simple. Only now, that simplicity has meaning. A manifold, personal, relevant meaning. It is delicious.

Never guessed I would conclude that Calculus is really fun.

12:49 a.m. 2004-03-12�