The thing that I wanted to do when I went to the polls today was to vote for Howard Dean. It doesn't matter to me that Kerry or Edwards will get the nomination--they can eat it. Howard Dean is the man I want in the White House. I wanted it so badly. I gave money and time to his campaign, and it did something for me, too--it made me care. It gave me hope. It made me feel like politics could be a positive force in this world. I was so excited that we might elect someone who wasn't about fear, someone who would treat this country like it was his home, and treat people like they were something more than just votes and funding. Fuck, you guys. Howard Dean gave me hope.

So I just wanted to go to the polls today and vote for him. Just to say, I won't stop trying to make this the kind of world I want to live in.

I was registered as Green. You can only vote in the Democrat primaries if you are a Democrat or a non-partisan.

THIS IS THE LAST GODDAMN TIME THE ASININE DECISIONS I MADE IN SANTA CRUZ ARE GOING TO AFFECT WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO!!!

I am upset.

I was heartbroken when I realized I couldn't vote for him. I stood in front of that computer screen with tears in my eyes as I voted on county measures; I'm glad I didn't hear anyone say his name because then I would really have broken down. I was so inspired by this campaign, I gave so much to it,... and I couldn't vote?

Part of it is that I feel like I failed. I feel like maybe I should have put more work in the campaign, that had I done more I would have made the shift into the universe where we all did enough to get him through, where that change of heart and that collective effort was enough to give us this wonderful president; and while things may not be perfect, they would certainly be on their way. I feel like I didn't do enough to bring that universe to pass.

And--I just wanted to vote for what I cared for. And I always will, but I... I had my heart in this one.

6:52 p.m. 2004-03-02�