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Lightning flashes, Thunder rolls. I love the storms when they come. That's literal, by the way. It's a novelty for me to count the seconds between the flash and the boom, and I had no idea thunder was that loud. It think I felt it shake the house. Michael called it the typhoon, and right he was. It literally swept over us, unlike the piddly rain we're used to here. It came in gusts and torrents, made a joyful clamor, and left to find a new party.

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If I weren't feeling so generally positive, today would have been a Bad day. Maybe not bad, but lame at the very least. It's still okay, though. It's still okay.

Rrrr. rrRRRRRrrrr. CRIS HAS A GIRLFRIEND! AAAAGoddammit! rrrrrrrr.

Which is lame because this morning was when I decided that I Like him and really very much do have a crush on him. Like, aw god, the kind of crush that made me have to turn away when he first came into my vicinity because I could not control the huge smile coming onto my face, and there would have been no explanation for it. Like, that smile couldn't have fit through the door, it was that big.

So, RV and Luz (the two people I'm most friendly with at work) knew about my crush and were rooting for me. Apparently (I learned this from Luz), there was a moment last week when Cris and I were leaning in on each other at the counter (yeah, I remember that*), and Michelle (my manager) and Luz and RV were at the back door chit-chatting, and Michelle was like, "Dude, he totally has a girlfriend." Apparently, she knows this because he's given her rides home before and he's mentioned or she met this girlfriend. (Wow, isn't the grapevine amazing?) So RV was like, "Well somebody better tell her that." Also, Eric, another manager, overheard Luz and I chismising about Cris when we were closing on Monday, and he thought Luz was the one with the crush. So when they had lunch, he asked her about it, she clarified, and he reiterated the girlfriend info.

* It really was a 'moment'. He was working on a self-portrait drawing for class, and he asked me for advice on improving the likeness. "What do you think? Michelle said I needed to work on the eyes. People have told me my eyes are big, so I guess I need to make them bigger (brushes his hair aside and looks me full in the face)...?" I mean, honestly, you guys! So, I analytically took a good look at him, and we both leaned over the drawing, and I think I said something about 'yeah, you do have big eyes, maybe have them turn down more, and your cheekbones are sharper, dot dot dot.' And we continued leaning while he drew. A customer came in, took a look at us, and winked to me. I mean, it was a moment, and anybody who looked saw something happening.

Things like that are why the news took me as a surprise. I'd gotten nothing but positive signals from him. He has all the manner of a boy that is smitten. And I gave him ample, pointed opportunity to use the word 'girlfriend', and he didn't. For godsake, on Valentine's day I asked him about his plans for the night, and he mumbled "(we're) Having dinner, but it's not a formal thing." The 'we're' barely existed when he said it, so I wishfully assumed it meant friends. You'd think he'd have said, "My girlfriend and I are having dinner." But he didn't.

In retrospect, he seemed to have been scrupulously avoiding mentioning the girlfriend. Trust me, I'm not delusional, I know what I'm talking about. And yeah, I know what that means. He likes me.

He did mention the girlfriend tonight, though. After I'd heard from Luz. He thought about it before saying it. We were talking about how it would be fun to set up a D&D campaign. (Goddamn, we are so INTO each other's stuff! So into it!) So we were pondering who we know who would be up for it, and he was like, "Well--dot dot dot--my.. g-irl-friend would probably be down... she's imaginative..." sigh.

S'funny, Luz was like, "Wee-ll, that doesn't.. have to stop you..." That seems to be the general consensus of any friends who know the information. And you know, I don't think it could stop me. I like him too much. I want to know more about him, be friends with him. And I can see enough about our dynamic to know that with each new little bit we learn about each other, we fall in love that much more. He doesn't know how to stop it. I don't want to stop it. So we'll see how that all goes. We're looking for excuses to hang out together.

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And Christianna and her boyfriend aren't coming to Tahoe (this weekend), and I spilled my freshly roasted beets on my dirty floor and my pants.

BUT: the stains came out. And Cris still likes me.

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Later (2:46am): It takes two glasses of red wine consumed within an hour of sitting (on a full stomach) to get me drunk. Isn't that nuts? I have the alcohol tolerance of a midget.

I have made a new rule for myself. I enjoy wine, and as I said before, I want to develop a discerning taste, BUT I don't want to become an alcoholic. And I don't have people to dine with such that we can consume a bottle of wine in an evening. Maybe I should engineer that. Anyways, I have bottles to consume. And I like doing so. BUT I don't want to become an alcoholic. Highly unlikely. Sorry, my mind is disjointed. It's a wonder I can do math.

Which brings me to my rule. I am now only allowed to drink wine when I am doing my homework or studying math. That way, I associate something I don't like with something I do, and if I become an alcoholic, at least I am on top of things. If my homework is done, I am at liberty. I figure this is a good way to increase my homework time and decrease my wine-drinking opportunities. Slick, yes?

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I think I will have him. This is not so much a decision as a statement of impending fact. Things have already been set in motion.

12:02 a.m. 2004-02-26�

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