Today I re-calibrated myself to the skies.

Wow. I like the sound of that.

But basically, it's a wonderful day out. Mild, a little on the cool side, with the breeze being but a joyous lakewater-stirring of air. Such that it is a pleasure driving with the windows down. But just because the sky is grey all over, one tends to think it is cold, that the weather is bad. But once I realized the day was perfect, I thought, well. What if we lived in a world where grey skies meant sweet, clement weather? Surely then I would be able to enjoy myself more thoroughly. The only thing keeping me from feeling as though it were a lovely spring day is the color of the sky, which is, really, inconsequential. It certainly isn't going to rain.

What if people looked out their window, saw the grey sky, and said, My god, what a beautiful day! and you come out singing because the sky is so immaculately grey.

And you know, in a smooth sky of clouds, where there are places where the clouds are thinner and the light glows through? Think maybe, what a miracle, if the sky were clear grey and we had clouds of light. That's exactly what it looks like! Clouds of light. And there are places where the sky is slightly darker; the shades shift according to some graceful pattern, and it's like we have a spectacular grey aurora all over the sky, clear white-silver light falling down upon our faces! How is today, with its grey sky and cool skin, not one of the most wonderful days?

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I read somewhere (The Museum of Jurassic Technology, I think), that it's said babies should not be weaned in the fall, because babies are especially sensitive to the changes of the seasons; a deep sense of loss comes when a baby stops breast-feeding, and if that comes with the seasonal loss of light, it will affect them all the more. They internalize and will grow up with the sense of having lost something significant, and will always be searching and never content.

I don't know the extent to which that is true, but it makes sense to me. I thought about my circumstances: I was born in February (5th, it's coming up), the deep of winter, and I was never breast-fed (my sister had bad reactions to breast feeding, so I was started on the bottle), so I was never weaned; and apparently I left the bottle for the cup very early and with no problems. So I don't think I felt that loss; and moreover, my experience was with the growing of the light. And I am that way. I have never had problems leaving home, never had serious fears or feelings of loss when I am growing and things are changing. And I feel like I am born in a time when good is growing, that is the outlook I have on life, that people, the world, and life are shakily but surely and always becoming better.

Spring has always been my favorite season, and last night (already!) I felt the eager anticipation of its coming. And the orchids I have from my grandma are getting ready to bloom.

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Also, I would like to cultivate the skill of whistling.

1:33 p.m. 2004-01-15�